I felt the need to completely start from scratch on this post – again. I was raised in a household with NO FILTER. When our family of 6 gathered around the table for dinner, there was no emphasis on eating quietly and talking in turn. This was a time to vent about the day. There was laughing, disciplining, work talk (boring as a kid), and maybe some swearing. I am grateful that I was raised the way I was and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I learned to be direct, honest, look people in the eye and mean everything I say. My parents made the family meal happen at least 4-5 times a week. I realize now how difficult a task this is with my own kids. It was important then and is now more than ever. This family dinner time together shaped my character. However, it didn’t shape me to be proper and know when to keep my mouth shut.
Credit: Jaco Pretorius on Unsplash
I realized earlier this week that I am not in any place to write a post about etiquette. I had a wonderful, absolutely delicious breakfast with loving in-laws. During the meal, while others were conversing about their European travels (um…I prefer being on a beach in the Caribbean), my mind was elsewhere. I was focused on the sausage link on my son’s plate to my left. I stabbed it with my fork, passed it to my husband on my right who gave it to my young daughter on his right. It literally went from one side of the table to the other even though a serving tray full of sausages was right in front of me. I had a total AH-HA moment after immediately regretting doing that and hoping my company didn’t notice. The AH-HA was realizing it was inappropriate and I did it without hesitation. My unfiltered side comes out unexpectedly.
What does all this mean? I thought my calling was to be a wedding planner. I thought it was my destiny – to open my own business. After all, this is what I am good at and love. In the middle of helping a friend with her big day, I realized that what I like more is hunting for the bargains, finding ways to cut corners and being creative. Recently, I started writing about it. I finally discovered my niche: to ponder, to write, to edit and lastly to share my ideas. We’re all authors in our own way. Some write effective emails, some write novels, some write in a journal, and some write blogs.
Our written word – it’s a powerful thing. I am making a statement.
Why do I feel this is my niche? Because I am able to provide ideas and advice from an improper perspective. Who I am is what makes me consider options that are outside the box and a bit unconventional. Ideas that seem eccentric at the time, but when the wedding day is all over and done, weren’t even questioned.
It’s kind of like me looking through the windows of an extravagant reception at one of those mansions in Newport, Rhode Island. I would observe the elegant place settings, luxurious complimenting linens, an abundance of fragrant flowers perched up high on crystal pedestals, a radiant ice sculpture set up next to the raw oyster bar, martinis being butler served, the decadent 5-tiered cake adorned with sugar pasted roses, and all the other meticulously planned details.
Simultaneously, ideas are forming in my head to have this lavish reception for half the price.
Credit: Ricardo Gomez Angel on Unsplash
My original post focused on comparing being unique to being proper suggesting these are two separate choices. I picked apart Emily Post’s etiquette rules and had all my reasons. What a fool I was. How you act socially does not define how unique you are. If I want to get better at advising on how to have a unique wedding, I need to know what about it makes it unique.
“Know the rules well, so you can break them effectively.” ~Dalai Lama
For reference, these books are available on Amazon: Emily’s original book, Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics and at Home published in 1922 and the newest 19th edition written by Emily’s great-great-grand-daughter.
