I am starting to write this at a table for one overlooking the beautiful New Hampshire coast. I just received my second frozen pina colada and dinner order of poutine. There is nothing like the ocean to bring me back to square one. There is also nothing like being able to write in a spot like this. I am now relaxed with even more to say.
Let’s backtrack to the start of my day. I rented a small apartment with an ocean view (love AirBnb!). It is literally 100 feet to the sand. It’s the first week of September, all the kiddos are back to school. So, it’s a relatively quiet week, hence why it was so affordable. I woke up late this morning, like 11am late. I sat on the porch with my hot coffee, enjoying the view while playing on Facebook (aka Facecrack). I was totally procrastinating getting ready to head to the beach. I wanted to be sitting on the sand, but just wanted to get beamed there. Where’s Scotty when you need him? What was I doing on Facebook? Trying to grow my groups, checking out what is for sale on Marketplace, commenting in wedding related groups and all other Facebook activities having to do with weddings. I had to put my phone down which seemed to be super glued to my palm. I finally got up after finishing my 2nd cup of coffee (yes, I actually put the phone down to get the 2nd cup). I packed my bag with magazines, seven books, sunglasses, a blanket, and $20 cash.
I walked to the very edge of the soft sand to where it started becoming hard packed – at the surf’s edge. I love watching the waves crash down rhythmically. Always HAVE to sit there, no matter how far I have to awkwardly trudge through the soft sand. I unloaded my stuff. Well, no. Let me rephrase, I dropped my bag down, opened my chair and planted myself down all in one step. I looked around and my mind raced. I took some deep breaths in hopes that I would get calm, the calm I had hoped for: letting all thoughts escape my head and lose myself in the waves. In the movement, in the sound, in the taste of the salt, in the totally unpredictable ebb and flow.
That did not last as long as I hoped. It was like five minutes. I reached in my bag for my phone. It wasn’t there. I left it in the room. Panic set in. I thought of trudging back. Although I could almost see the room from there, it was way too much work for right then and there since I was longing for “the beach”. I seriously did look back and forth like five times though.
Really? I say this to myself. Are you effing kidding me right now contemplating getting it??? I think I can live without being on my phone for a little while! Come on, Jennifer!!! Don’t be ridiculous.
OK, OK, the point of this whole getaway was to completely re-charge. I was going to do just that. Revitalize. I sat there for a little bit pondering what to do. I put the blanket over me. I covered my feet that were buried in the sand and covered all they way up over my shoulders. It was a bit nippy. Seventy degrees, sunny, but windy. I was toasty warm with the blanket on and the sun beaming down on me. The best thing ever happened. I fell asleep.
I’m not sure how long it was before I woke up. I wanted to check to see exactly how long I was asleep for. NOPE, no phone. That means not knowing what time it was. Ahhhhh….now this is what I really wanted, but couldn’t do on my own free will. Unconnected time, nap time and carefree time. My goal of the day was to get into a book. It’s been years, like six plus years since I was able to read a book. I just haven’t had the required focus. I’ve gone through many books with a few chapters read, never to be picked up again.
On maternity leave in late 2012, I read three books a week. I was sort of like my newborn daughter, except read was added in between eat and sleep. I loved that time and reminisce about it. It is such a difficult time, caring for a newborn, but I loved it. So much more the second time around because I knew going into it that it was a sleep deprived period of your best times, but then your NOT so best times. The dishes piled, the housework was overdue, the fridge was almost always on the emptier side. But, man, I enjoyed that time. I slept. I read. I bonded with my baby. I slept with her. We had tummy to tummy nap times. I got involved in novel after novel as much as I could. So, if I read that much six plus years ago, why can’t I do it again? Well, let’s be realistic….a book a month would be a good start. I’ll have to wait until my next maternity leave to read three a week (Hubby: if you are reading this, I’m soooo joking). Good lord, not this forty six year old body.
My point was that I loved to read and still do. I lack the focus now. But, do I really? I focus on other things as mentioned above related to Yard Sale Weddings. I’m so laser focused on Pinterest adding new pins by the millisecond to my latest board I’m currently obsessed with. Now mind you, I have over forty boards. Why can’t I get focused on a book? Who says I can’t?
I went through the seven books I bought to the beach to read hoping one would get my attention. I read all the synopses and chose one…read like six pages. Nope, next. Then another….NEXT. I picked up a James Patterson book, Suzanne’s Diary for Nicholas. A love story, not the typical murder plot from him. I started reading and before I knew it, I was a third into the book. Yay!!! I completed my goal!! Gold star sticker for me! Actually a gold star cupcake would be more rewarding. It was getting colder as the sun was going down. I packed up and as I trudged back through the sand I got the whiff of fried dough. WTF? Do they pipe that scent out like they do at Magic Kingdom with cookies? I HAD to get one right then and there and I sure did. A buttered one with powdered sugar. I felt like I was seven again. I sat on the step and thoroughly enjoyed my indulgence. After that, I slowly waddled my way back to the room and napped, again.
At this point, I’m now through the poutine and still nursing the second cocktail. This is my last night at the beach. I have to check out at 10am. Fuck. It’s over before it started. I will sit on the beach tomorrow morning, but not have that carefree time like I did today. In hindsight, I would have planned a longer trip in order to have more alone time. Although, I couldn’t afford that. What was great about this Monday through Friday stay was that it was super cheap. Perhaps what I have learned more than anything is it doesn’t need to be all at once. Not ALL or NOTHING. I’m just that type of person, “Go Big or Go Home”. I can change. I will change.
So, all this talk leads me to the whole topic of this post, a wedding time out. My story was supposed to just briefly share my example doing just that. I got way more into my personal experience of this time away than I intended, but hey, it is MY time out. I am recharged and have written this post all at once, which is unlike me. Normally I take a week to get one post together. (Edit: I’ve updated it like 27 times since posting, ha ha)
So, please, take a time out from the wedding planning. I know the planning is all encompassing. I’ve been there. Going through the list in your head, over and over. Trying to tackle the big things….the venue, the DJ, the photographer, the baker, the invitations, the guest list, the meal choices, etc.
However, it’s the little things though that sweep your mind away and cause it to go into a full blown tornado. It’s day dreaming of your day (well, not really day dreaming anymore because it is a reality now), so more picturing your day in your head and wanting to make it perfect in every way. Wracking your brain on how it can be perfect down to every last detail. That, my friend, gets exhausting.
How can it be more perfect? To really enjoy the planning and all the moments that make this journey from the engagement until the big day all memorable. Bask in these experiences so they will be looked back on as a fun, rewarding, and a time never to be forgotten.
The wedding itself is a whole different memory. I’m just referring to the time NOW. You wouldn’t be reading this if you were not in full blown wedding planning mode. Once the wedding happens, all this goes away. All for the greater purpose – the marriage. BUT…wouldn’t it be nice if this time before wasn’t forgotten, but will be reminisced about? Remember when we…(insert future memory here) and get giddy. Not only one memory like that, but most.
Take a time out when you’ve reached the point where it is not enjoyable. Whatever your time out is. Maybe it’s perusing through the public library, crocheting a blanket (or face cloth), doing hours of crosswords, or escaping to the beach. Whatever your ME time is, DO IT! Don’t think about the wedding at all. No cake flavors, no seating chart, no stress ordering the bridesmaids dresses. For a few hours or a few days, whatever does the trick. Return back into planning mode fully re-charged.
Repeat as necessary.
