Planning a Wedding, One Step at a Time

You’re engaged!!! Congrats!  The newly engaged time is so fun….the announcement to all your loved ones, choosing/asking your wedding party, showing off your gorgeous ring, etc.  After the surreal time passes, the overwhelming future sets in.  You have a big task ahead of you: to plan your dream day.

If you’re like me, your mind is racing so fast with no rhyme or reason.  One second you are picturing your first dance and another you are calculating how much the toast will cost.

This was a typical minute in my brain right after engagement:  song…hmm??…first dance…oh music…hmmm…..oh wait, what about ceremony music…mints for the bathroom…definitely want ivory dress….favors….October or March…do I invite Julie from work….must have crab rangoon apps….candles…lots of candles……handmade invitations….write our own vows….um, not a good idea….wait, or is it?

So, with that said….my two tips of advice are this:  focus on one step at a time and stay organized.  There are a ton of different kinds of wedding planner binders on Amazon – or you can explore online.  Personally, I like Excel spreadsheets.   I create a tab for each task/subject.

Below are the steps, in order, I recommend following.  Not every detail is listed, but you get the gist.

 1.  BUDGET

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Establishing the budget is the absolute first step before you can do anything else.   It’s also what guides you throughout the whole planning process.  Your budget tells you if you can have 10 people or 300+ people.  Your budget also tells you if you can have a 5-course country club dinner or a backyard pig roast (either are awesome).  No matter how many guests you have, you still need to know how much you have to work with.  If any parents or other loves ones are helping out financially, you will need to have a talk with each of them of get an estimated amount.

Below is an estimated breakdown of a $10,000 budget.  Obviously, the figures can be adjusted depending What is Important to You (see post on what I mean).   This gives you a visualization of where the money typically gets distributed.

Ok, Ok, I had to throw my colored pie chart in (my day job is creeping out)…

2.  GUEST LIST

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Once you have your budget situated, it’s time to put your guest list together.  One created by you and your fiance. First, include everyone you immediately think of that MUST be there – loved ones you cannot imagine getting married without them being there.  The ones that if were to RSVP NO, you would call and find out why.  THIS IS YOUR MINIMUM GO-TO LIST! Then, are the ones you didn’t immediately think of.  Loved ones not in your immediate circle, but you want there.  A lot of your family is likely already listed, but you don’t want to leave anyone out.  Include aunts, uncles, nephews, nieces, cousins, etc.  Maybe you are not close with all your family and want a smaller, intimate wedding.  That is perfectly fine, but you need to have an estimated count to work with.  What will guide you on how many you can invite is based on your BUDGET and your VENUE.  However, before crossing someone off your list, read my blog post:  Inviting Immediate Family

3.  VENUE

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So, now you know about how much you will be spending and roughly how many people are invited.  You probably already have a place or a type of venue in mind.  Perhaps a hotel ballroom,  garden,  museum, a backyard, or something else entirely.  Whatever your dream is, you now have all you need to start getting quotes.

If you are getting married in a church or at a different ceremony site, you will need to book these hand in hand. If you are not working directly with your congregation, this is the time to look into an officiant, justice of the peace, or consider a loved one getting ordained to perform the ceremony.

I have recently done a lot of negotiating for a friend.  She had a $10K budget with about 75 people and her dream was to get married on the beach.

Below are the types of questions I asked right off the bat.  This eliminates the back and forth emails.  Of course, you can call, but I prefer to have everything in writing.  Plus, in the first stage, you’re just narrowing your choices down.  There is no sense in picturing yourself saying I DO in oceanfront or dance the night away in a rustic barn if you cannot afford it.  Although, IT DOES NOT HURT TO ASK.  The wedding industry is very competitive and unless the venue a is castle overlooking the ocean on a cliff, then they are all competing for bookings.  If you have a place like this in mind, then I doubt you would even be reading this blog post. 

I found that there are many places I would have thought were way out of budget, but ended up being unexpectedly affordable.  Once you have narrowed down your choices, then you can go visit each one with future hubby.  Search Google for the reviews.  Also, bring up the venue and see what pictures are provided in Google images.  The venue’s website will always have most stunning pictures at the best angles to show off the place.  You can get a better feel for the place if others have shared them online (aka, the “real” pictures).  Do lots of searches – on Facebook, Yelp, Google Maps, etc., and check out all the reviews.

Good Afternoon,

I am interested in possibly holding my wedding at [insert venue] and am hoping that the costs are within my budget.   I have tried to be specific with my requests in order to avoid the back and forth emails.  Once I have narrowed down my options, I would like to discuss either on the phone or in person.

Kindly provide a quote, thank you

1.  Waterfront ceremony (on beach if possible), include set up fee, chairs, arches, etc.
2.  Cocktail hour, cash bar, 3-4 passed appetizers
3.  Cash bar for entire reception, bartender fees, etc.
4.  Toast for 75
5.  Least inexpensive plated entrée & salad for 75
6.  Cake?  if not provided, cut/serve fee?
7.  Any additional minimums or room fees
8.  Gratuity and taxes
9.  Please let me know what dates you have available for your lowest price (either Fri, Sat or Sun)  Note: if you already have a date chosen, include it in your email subject.
10.  The wedding party and parents will need rooms for 2 or 3 nights 
11.  Rehearsal dinner will be booked the night before with a separate budget

From the answers, you can determine if you will consider them for an option.  If they are within your budget, then you can get more specific.  Also, once you have narrowed down your choices, a phone call is in order.  You need to establish a relationship.  While you can get quotes in an email, you need to get a sense of what the person is like that will be handling all your future emails, phone calls, etc. because there will likely be many.  If the venue contact doesn’t return your phone call or is not very helpful, then I would move on to another place.

4.  THE DRESS

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I highly recommend waiting until you have your venue picked out.   Your style may differ depending upon what type of venue you go with.  The dress should be purchased roughly a year prior.  Fittings need to be factored into the time frame. Dress shopping can be done at any time in between any of these steps.  After all, isn’t that the best part?  If you are looking to save money, see my blog post Top 5 Websites to Buy a Secondhand Wedding Dress

5.  DJ

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The DJ is typically who creates the atmosphere of the event.  Do research, look at reviews, etc.  It is not worth it to cut the budget on the DJ because you do get what you pay for.  A DJ just starting out may be under your budget amount which will seem very attractive to you budget wise, but will they be able to get 75 people out on the dance floor with music from different generations?  Not only just once, but keeping that momentum for the entire night?

You need to have the venue booked before you can start searching for a DJ.  Once you have that date, you can send an email similar to above.   Ask what the fee is for the exact number of hours you need.  Also, include the number of guests.  If you need ceremony music, include that time as well and inform them of the ceremony and reception setting.  This will help the DJ give you a more accurate quote since they will need to determine what type of and how much equipment they will need.  If they reply back with the canned response “starting at $1,500” after you’ve already asked specific questions, then move on.  If a DJ is somewhat interested in providing services, there should be a personal response.  I understand the wedding industry is in crazy overload right now, but you want to find someone you can easily converse with, and without a huge effort. As recommended above, search for reviews.  Also search YouTube.   The disc jockeys that are listed on The Knot are reputable, so you can start your search there.  Another search tool that I like a lot is Gigmasters.

A note about vendors: please remember although this is a business you are contacting, keep in mind they are also people. I know that is common sense, but having the frame of mind you are not dealing with Amazon, you are dealing with someone who specializes in making your day great. Kindness goes a long way. This goes for all vendors, including the photographer, baker, florist, officiant, etc. In addition, it is a must for you to provide those required to be at the event a meal. Ask for vendor meals, they are usually a bit less than the guest ones.

6.  PHOTOGRAPHER

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There are a few different photography styles.  Look into them first before requesting pricing.  Get familiar with the styles and when emailing, let the photographer know what style you prefer.  A lot of photographers will work with you and tailor to your wishes on the types of photos – but, there are others that have a unique way of capturing your day.  Also, you’ll need to determine ahead of time exactly when and how long to have them there.  Include if you want getting ready pics or First Look photos.  Also inform them on if you want albums or digital rights to all photos. 

If you need to save money, you can hire your photographer for 3-4 hours rather than for the entire event.  Ask your guests to take photos and post with a #hashtag.  On the hashtag note, while it is fun to come up with a cutesy one, it’s best to use something simple.  This way everyone will remember it.  As suggested above, look up reviews and The Knot is a good place to start.  Any photographer you choose will likely have a bunch of their images in Google.  Do this search before making any decisions!

7.  FLORIST

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Decor, centerpieces, bouquets, corsages, boutonnieres – florists handle all of this, if you want them to.  Maybe you are going to do a lot of DIY decor and use silk flowers.  I am a big fan of using candles instead of flowers, but that’s just me.  I love the ambiance candles create and it is way less expensive.  However, if you do want fresh flowers and you are not going to buy them yourself, then a florist will make things amazingly beautiful.  The florist selection is not cut and dry and revolved around a set amount.  It all depends on what you want (well, of course), your style, and what you consider beautiful.  Isn’t it said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder?  While one may love greenery and baby’s breath, another may love fresh-cut hydrangeas or peonies. 

My point is, the floral decor is such a personal choice.  If you have a few florists narrowed down, send some pictures of some ideas you have in mind and ask if they can put together something similar.  Then check out their shop, discuss your style, show them pictures, ask to see their pictures.  You need to determine if this florist can make your wedding beautiful.  That is open for interpretation.  Once you have found a florist you like and paid a deposit, relax.  There is no need to rush this now.  Unless you are getting married in a few months, don’t stress about this one.  The florist (if they are good and you’ve done your research) should be all on top of this.  Although, PLEASE do call and confirm (as with all your vendors)!

8.  BAKER

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If you are having a larger, tiered cake, then this needs to be booked in advance (or any cake from a baker).  I highly recommend going to a cake tasting at that bakery.  Alternatively, you can order your cake from a grocery store at much less of a cost. If you are contemplating different options such as cupcakes, a dessert station, or whatever, you have time. To save money, consider forgoing the cake and offer a variety of finger desserts. See examples in my Pinterest Board Dessert Ideas, Skip the Cake.

9.  BRIDESMAID DRESSES

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While this step you are not usually financially responsible for, you still need to stay on top of when your girls are ordering their dresses.  Unless, of course, they are planning to buy off the rack, which I highly recommend.  The girls would save anywhere from 30% to 75% vs. the prices at David’s Bridal or other bridal shops.   These dresses typically need to be ordered 4 months in advance or so.  This is the part that brides stress about because it is mostly out of their hands. Be patient, be understanding.  They are not the ones getting married, you are.  This event is your world, your life at the moment, and thought about every waking moment…by you.  Yes, just you (the every moment part).  For them, it’s not quite the same.  Realize that they have their own life going on, own job, own issues, own everything. There are many alternatives to the traditional dress ordering process, see my post How to Avoid Bridesmaid Dress Drama.

10.  INVITATIONS

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Invites typically get send out three months before the wedding.  This way guests have a month to decide to go.  Then, RSVP a month after they receive it, which will be a  month before your wedding.  Plenty of time for your guests AND the venue and/or caterer to prepare.  If your engagement is coming up close (like within 3 months), you may want to give people a heads up via email or any way and let them know that invitations will be on the way. 

Also, save money by making your own invitations or using a company like Vistaprint.  There are a few good coupon codes online if you search for them. There is usually a large % off coupon code of your first order floating around, google it, it’s worth it!

Canva is an amazing site that is free, but you need to print yourself. Invitations can be made from scratch or a using a template. I use Canva all the time and love it. They had a website and app which are both user friendly. You can save money on the RSVP cards and stamps by having your guests respond online

The Knot has a decent, user friendly guest list management and RSVP feature, in addition to many other features to personalize it.  There are many other RSVP management sits, but I highly recommend using one of the well known ones.

11.  ALL THE OTHER STUFF

All the other details can be done throughout the wedding planning process, but not necessary right away.  The favors, card box, signs, candles, etc. can wait until you find them on clearance.  Be patient on these and look for sales.  You don’t need to get the first stuff you see, although it is very tempting.  Also, don’t hesitate to delegate some of the smaller tasks out to your wedding party or others.  Your close loved ones would probably love an opportunity to help you out even if it is picking out band aids and mints for the bathroom.  One other tip, please do not feel the need to have everything match!  One, it adds character with mismatched items, and two, you can save more money this way by picking up clearance items.

GET YOUR DIY-ING ON, GIRL!